In Nick Roeg’s film ‘Insignificance’, there’s a great scene where Albert Einstein and Marilyn Munro are in bed together. It’s striking, because we don’t expect people like Einstein – geniuses who live in their head – to be any good at sex. They’re just good at thinking.
But here’s the thing: in sex, if nothing else, you’re Einstein. Most of us are. Except, instead of thinking new things, we’re all thinking the same things, over and over:
“Am I doing it right? Will he or she like me? That’s not working. Is it? I feel fat. If I do this will she let me do that? Am I allowed? What shall I do next? I feel rejected. I’m confused about what to do. I’m going to come too soon/not at all. An I taking too long? Do I smell nice? Does s/he really like this? I don’t like that but I don’t know how to say without upsetting him. Am I too soft/hard? Have I gone too far?
So what can we do to break the anxiety of performance? What is this mysterious thing of ‘being good in bed?’